The Cast That Wouldn't
by True Love Always Brucas
Summary: All this freaking hilarious One No Show Hill crap is getting crazy! You know what that means: instant inspiration! We may not know who is coming back for a season 7, but I hope this story about the real cast will give you a good laugh! Read,Review,&Enjoy!


**ok guys so all this freaking hilarious one no show hill crap is getting crazy! You know what that means instant inspiration! so here's some crap i just threw together hope you like and don't forget to review they are my drug**

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Chad sits in his trailer and flips open the Wilmington newspaper.  
"One Tree Hill renewed for 7th season" he reads aloud laughing to himself. He picks up his phone and dials a number still laughing as the person answers "Hello" the person on the other line says.

"You are freaking kidding me right? A new season? You are seriously an idiot aren't you?

"Hey Chad, no they've confirmed it. We will be having a new season.

"Well count me out. Dude you already don't pay me enough. This is my show I'm the star.

"Yeah Chad you are the star, but you know I can't pay you anymore"

"Yeah because your either to busy fantasizing about Hilarie or giving all the money to Lee because he is the One Tree Hill version of yourself."

"Okay first of all Hil is hot and I'm a forty something year old man still living with my parents, and Mouth is the coolest. Hey and aren't you the one who always called us the little engine that could?"

"That freaking engine is dead, and your main conductor aka me has jumped off that caboose!I'm not coming back so why don't you do us all a favor and just like kill off my whiny character or make him move away or some crap like that"

"Chad..."

"Hanging up now"

"But.."

"Bu bye"

ring ring

"Oh God not again" Mark says and picks up his phone

"Hey Mark" Hil says over the line enthusiastically.

"Hey Hil, so have you heard they've renewed us for a new season?"

"Oh that's great"

"Really? So you'll do it?"

"Oh hell know but you have fun with that?"

"But Hil, this is your show now. Chad's gone so it's your time to shine. You can be the main star"

"Dude I already am, speaking of could you take those pics of me off your wall they totally creep me out"

"Oh yeah sorry" Mark says sheepishly.

"Yeah I mean without Chad I have nobody to kiss, I mean unless you make it a breyton lesbian love fest! That would totally appeal to the gay audience!"

"Yeah I don't know.."

"Yeah well I'm out. See you later you big lug!

"Bye Hilarie"

"Oh and you should totally go to my blog Southern Gothic productions"

"Sure bye Hilarie"

"If you need a job I here Gossip Girl is hiring"

"See you later"

ring ring

"Are you freaking kidding me" Mark whispers under his breathe before answering the phone.

"Hello"

"Hey Mark it's Soph"

"Oh hey Soph! I can always count on you to come through"

"About that Mark...I'm out"

"Soph"

"I'm sorry but I can't you know."

"But Soph, Chad and Hilarie are gone, this is your show now!"

"No offense Mark, but this is kind of my show. I mean everybody loves Brooke, but I can't."

"Soph"

"Seriously Mark. It's like I'm in relationship twilight zone. I have to work with my ex-husband, my ex- boyfriend, and my sort of kind of current boyfriend. I mean that's like way screwed up"

"Well we could totally write that into the show. I mean I usually just put whatever crap happens in your life on the show anyway."

"Trust me I know. I would have offered Breyton smut, but since Hil is out, I'm out too. Bye Mark."

"Wait dude I'll totally put in the lesbian..."

"Have a lovely day Mark" Sophia says before hanging up.

"Just great, three out, two to go"

ring ring

"When does that do not call button kick in" he askes himself before picking up the phone."

"I'm out"

"Good morning to you too Joy"

"Sorry, good morning, but I'm out"

"Why?"

"Because we've been on this show for 6 years, and I want to go home and get pregnant, like really good and pregnant"

"Oh come on, it's your show now Joy. You can get pregnant anytime, but right now this is your chance. Chad, Hil, and Soph are out it's your show now"

"Which I've have to say would be about damn time. You've been giving me all the crappy storylines. Double date with Mia and Chase? I mean really you couldn't give Naley one hot night out, just the two of them?

"Ok fine I'll turn the show into a Naley porno is that what you want? Because I'll do it, all the rain scenes you could want"

"Oh yeah and speaking of no rain scenes? Really Mark your a dumbbutt"

"So I've been told"

"I would say that Lucas and I should do like a whole affair thing but since Chad's out, I'm out too"

"Are you kidding me"

"Nope, now bye" Joy said cheerfully as she hung up the phone.

"Yeah bye" he said mockingly. "Man I'm freaking Mark Schwann. The creator of One Tree Hill, loved by all, well except for the occasional 100 death threats, but anyway"

Mark is taken out of his delusions by a ringing phone.

ring ring

"What?" he yells loudly.

"Okay I'm guessing everyone else has called, so I'll make this short and sweet. I'm out, there is not enough scenes of me shirtless, I haven't got to kiss Sophia yet which really pisses me off, and quiet frankly I just don't like you."

"Anything else"

"Oh yeah I think that your a freak and you are super stalkerish when it comes to HB"

"Ok you caught me kissing her pic one time"

"French kissing it, don't remind me. Anyway why don't you try Jackson. I'm sure he'd love a Jamie spin off"

"This could have been your show James"

"Dude it already was. Did you not see all the girls screaming my name?"

"Ok bye"

"Cya NBA here I come" James says before hanging up the phone.

"Pipe dreams" Mark says rolling his eyes.

"Well Jackson it is then" Mark says dialing his number.

ring ring

"Hello"

"Jackson my man"

"Mark my man, what's happening?"

"You are buddy. I'm talking a whole new show. A Jamie spinoff"

"Oh Mark that sounds cool, but Disney already called."

"Disney?"

"Yep. They want to make a movie about me. Jackson and Chester goes Hollywood. We're going to be stars! Isn't that right Chester" Jamie says, giggling at his rabbit.

"J bud that's great! But you could also be a star on your own show. Doesn't that sound great?"

"No offense Mark, but I did own the show. I'm the cutest, everyone loves Jimmy Jam."

"Jackson"

"Oh gotta go Mark. Mom has icecream. Mmm yum! Coming mom!"

"Shit"

"Ah you said a bad word. That's $20 to the Jackson college fund. You better pay up mister. Bye." Jackson said before hanging up.

"Great"

ring ring

"I'm out Dawg"  
"Antwon!"

"Sorry this cougar is done"  
"Barbara!"

"This cockroach has been squashed"  
"Paul!"

"Sorry"  
"Lisa!"

"Julian wanted all the girls, now there are no girls. Do you see my dilemma?"  
"Austin!"

"Your mini you is out. And I'm sick of you making me into a mousy whimp. I could totally kick your ass."  
"Lee!"

This continued for the next few hours

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***The next day***

"Looks like your the only one left. I guess your the new Luke"

"I'll do my best" he says before taking his spot on the rivercourt and shooting the ball in the hoop."

"God I guess we are going to have to name the show ONE because that's all we've got left" Mark said to Greg Prange as they took their seats.

"Oh yeah it's Fergie's time to shine" Fergie says, winking at the camera

THE END

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**what did you guys think? i know today has been crazy! i mean we go from one tree hill is renewed! Yay! To Chad hasn't renewed his contract! What? To oh wait Hil hasn't either! OMG! And Sophia too! WTF! It's been crazy so give me your thoughts on what you thought about it! do you want to egg Mark's house too? Review Review and tell me what you think of all this bananas mccrazy!**


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